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News:

URL for forum cookies will change
Date: 2010-08-27 19:08:35
Posted By: Chibi Acelie
On Sunday, August 29 at 7:00 PM Central Time (1:00 AM GMT) I will configure the forum cookies to work with "forum.rphaven.net." After this is done forum users will need to access the forum using "forum.rphaven.net" to stay logged in. I'll edit this post immediately after I make the change.

Note that after the change is made you may have to delete your browser cookies for the forum to work correctly.

This will be the last change required since moving to the new server.

EDIT: I've made the change. For now on please use forum.rphaven.net to access the forum.

If there are any issues with the forum please feel free to post them in the "URL for forum cookies will change" topic in the News and Announcements board.

Forum moving woes?
Date: 2010-08-15 22:18:37
Posted By: Mavrickindigo
Hey everyone! While we're working on moving everything around, there may be a few hiccups here or there. If the link to the forums doesn't work, you can enter them by going to http://rphaven.seraphimlabs.net/forum/index.php for the time being.

Forum URL will change one more time
Date: 2010-08-13 20:21:52
Posted By: Chibi Acelie
On Sunday, August 15 at 8:00 PM Central Time (2:00 AM GMT) the URL "forum.rphaven.net" will no longer work, so Odin and I can make that URL point directly to the new forum. In the meantime you all can use http://rphaven.seraphimlabs.net/forum to access the forum.

Also http://wiki.rphaven.net/wiki now points directly to the wiki.

Scheduled Forum Down Time
Date: 2010-07-31 12:29:31
Posted By: Chibi Acelie
Due to the forum's poor performance I will be moving it to a new webserver. The forum will be unavailable on Wednesday, August 4 from 1:00 PM to 8:00 PM Central Time (7:00 PM to 2:00 AM GMT) while I transfer the files. The transfer should not take all 7 hours, I will re-enable the forum as soon as I'm done.

EDIT: The web host's SQL server (the database most of the site depends on) has just crashed, and there has been possible data loss. I'm currently loading the files on Odin's webserver. Please come back to this page in an hour or 2 and refresh it for the new links.

EDIT 2: The forum's transfer is complete. It can be found using http://forum.rphaven.net.

Any Cartagraphers around
Date: 2010-07-18 15:31:53
Posted By: Mavrickindigo
Our Dedicated World of Deia is built by many people with many talents. Writing is the first of these talents. We wouldn't be able to create a world if we didn't write the stories for it. Those gifted in illustration bring our characters to life, so art talent is also appreciated. But there's one talent we have been lacking for quite some time: When we began, we were grateful to have Vash as our map-maker. He would add the new locations and landmarks as we created them, but real life has prevented him from working on it for quite some time. No one has yet to step up to the plate and take his mantle. If anyone reading this is skilled at photoshop or other similar tools and uses them to make/edit maps. Please let us know.

Paging Dr. Zerstung
Date: 2010-07-11 18:44:06
Posted By: Mavrickindigo
Now accepting new members in the World of Deia, its "The Famous Study of Dr. Zerstung."

This role-play is set on a dark island where players take the role of children captured into slavery and left on their own to fend for themselves? Who is Dr. Zerstung? Why are these children left alone with only half of them given food? And just what lies in the foreboding forest and ominous castle deep within the island? Join the newest Deia rp today to find out. Look for it in the "World of Deia" forum.

The Demons are Loose!
Date: 2010-07-04 15:14:33
Posted By: Mavrickindigo
Our dedicated world of Deia is now going through its first worldwide event! After the events of "Melas's Children" powerful demons were released into the world. How will these demons effect the rps in Deia? Well we'll have to find out during the next rp set between 2 ADF and 5 ADF

Problem with the forum being addressed
Date: 2010-06-15 13:52:26
Posted By: Chibi Acelie
The forum's slow response is due to a problem with the web host's SQL system (the database the forums rely on). I've just telephoned the web host, and they told me the SQL team's work week starts on Tuesday so they only became aware of the problem this morning. As of now they don't know how long it will take to fix.

If the problem is not fixed by this evening I'll call the web host again and post another update.

EDIT: (7:52 PM Central Time) I called the web host again and they said the problem will occur intermittently over the next several hours. The forum seems to be running much better than it was before, though. I'll check it out again when I wake up tomorrow afternoon.

EDIT2: The problem has been fixed. If anyone is having difficulty with the forums (or any other part of the site) please do not hesitate to let me know.

Summer of New Roleplays?
Date: 2010-06-13 21:51:11
Posted By: Mavrickindigo
Role plays here on rphaven tend to take quite a long time to complete or to fade away. Usually if your role play lasts a year, you're good to go. That being said, we've had quite a few role plays that have been hanging around for quite some time that are beginning to enter the home stretch. This means that new major role plays may be on the horizon. Keep an eye on this spot for any new role play news.

Tournament of Godmods
Date: 2010-06-09 11:50:23
Posted By: Mavrickindigo
Check out the "thoughts and opinions" board, where Dr. Gate has decided to recap and review an old role play called "VGMusic RPG Hero Tournament: The Tournament of Legends." The role play is old and it shows. Nearly every user who participated in it is laughing at the insanity our teenaged minds conjured back in the day. It's a highly recommend read and I suggest you check it out right now.

If you're a bit antsy on reading the actual story and want to read ahead of Dr. Gate, you're in luck: The Tournament of Legends is available for download in our "Hall of Fame" section.

News News News
Date: 2010-05-24 14:16:03
Posted By: Mavrickindigo
The past few weeks has shown us the introduction of "The Rodaria Trials" our first modern-day roleplay in the Dedicated World of Deia. Check it out if you're interested in a modern fantasy story.

In other news, the character battle has ended in a tie between Dmitri and Strom. It was a fun little diversion, and I look forward to next year's rendition of the event.

Also, check out the "Thoughts and Opinions" board for my review of DreamGoddessLindsey's book "World of Chaos - Genesis: Family of Blood"

The Character Battle Continues
Date: 2010-04-18 15:57:59
Posted By: Mavrickindigo
A few weeks in, and we're still on the first round of Battles in Corey's Character Battle. So far the next round is looking to be as follows:

Dmitri
----
Corsica
Chuck

----
Fabreanne
Nicole
----

Pikarnage
Jean-Pierre
Censorman
Levar

Lindy
Alice
----
----

With only five more matches left, things are looking to be setting up for an interesting second round.

Nostalgia Leads to Madness
Date: 2010-04-11 14:58:59
Posted By: Mavrickindigo
When GS posted his latest recap post for "Void of Illusions," he told us about how his character, Jacques Fontaine, was actually referencing events from another, completely unrelated RP. So I decided to take that and map out all of the connections our rps have had over the years.

The results are staggering.

In other news, the deadline to sign up to "RPHaven's Master of Masterminds is quickly approaching. If you still want to join up to that rp, you have until my next pos".

The Aftermath
Date: 2010-04-05 20:35:32
Posted By: Mavrickindigo
Eggman has been defeated by a recap of an old role play and the identity of the trickster behind the April Fools scheme has been revealed. It's time to return to some semblance of normal.

Any of you wanting to join RpHaven's Master of Masterminds, better do it quick or else your opportunity will be gone forever. This is your last week to join up as a contestant.

Meanwhile, we have a new freelance role play. Any fans of Ranma 1/2 might want to join up and give support to one of our newest members.

NO MORE ROLE PLAYS
Date: 2010-03-31 23:30:12
Posted By: Dr. Ivo Robotnik
Listen up you bunch of pathetic worms! I am the great Dr. Ivo Robotnik! I have noticed that for some time now, you have been operating underneath my radar, and I shall not allow this to continue any further. As you ave seen, my expeditionary forces have already infiltrated your pathetic security, and it is only a matter of time before all of you are roboticized and become part of my 'bot army. I demand that you cease playing these silly games, and submit to my rule immediately. Now won't you buy some really cheap airline tickets? Those are very good. Very good indeed...

Ah, the memories
Date: 2010-03-28 20:28:41
Posted By: Mavrickindigo
Last week, longtime user, Straggler Straddler, began a thread in the "Thoughts and Opinions" entitled "Soul Twist: A Retrospect of a Journey" where we are welcomed by a commentary on an early role play. Soon there followed multiple other retrospects. So if you're feeling nostalgic, are new to the site, or want to laugh at how silly we were back then, go on down to the "Thoughts and Opinions Board"

In other news, Corey's character battle has begun, and the first two characters to advance to the second round are Jean-Pierre LeBlanc and Corsica Roder, a classic and a newly-cemented character, respectively.

Another Contest on the Way
Date: 2010-03-21 15:00:23
Posted By: Mavrickindigo
In continuing our tradition of making contests based off of other websites' ideas, the first RPHaven Character battle is starting up. Go over to the general message board to nominate up to four of your characters to take place in this character vote-off competition. If not enough people fill in the (at least) 64-character bracket, then you can nominate four more characters.

Let the Battle of the Masterminds Begin
Date: 2010-03-14 19:07:42
Posted By: Mavrickindigo
The Newest RP from Mavrickindigo is here. "RPHaven's Master of Masterminds" is a contest between the superstitious and the cowardly, the evil and the deranged, the megalomaniacal and the sadistic, and generally the no good bad guys of various rps past (and maybe some we haven't seen before.) With each evil genius given a chance to take over the world to compete to see who has the most successful, original, and brilliant plan, you can bet that there will be crazy things happening. And this is all for the sake of entertainment!

Join "RPHaven's Master of Masterminds" today for your character's shot at total domination, or join as a hero who wants to save the day and stop the villains from achieving their goals. You can check it out on the Freelance Roleplaying Board.

'Lil' Bouncy Adventure' Game Project
Date: 2010-03-03 17:06:10
Posted By: Chibi Acelie
I am starting the development of a cutesy game about a girl and her dog who chase a creature who just stole the girl's pretty high-bounce balls, and are lead into an unexplored land. For anybody interested in a game's development process I will document it in threads on the RPHaven Forums and the VGMusic Forums, as well as the game's main site at www.acelie.com.

More forum down time
Date: 2009-08-28 14:08:46
Posted By: Chibi Acelie
The forum will be unavailable Saturday, September 5 from 1:00 PM to 3:00 PM Central Daylight Time (7:00 PM to 9:00 PM GMT), while I upgrade our forum software to the latest version.

As before, I will restore the forum as soon as I'm done.

EDIT: The update is complete and the forum is functional again.

If you like video game or hip hop music...
Date: 2009-05-06 14:36:24
Posted By: Chibi Acelie
My friend Mr. Perspective is a composer and another friend, Kuran, is an arranger so check out their MySpace page. Their style can be described as video game music with some hip hop influence. I personally also helped arrange "Snowy Fields" and a couple of the other songs.

You can find my friends' site at http://www.myspace.com/musicalnoises.

Scheduled Forum Down Time
Date: 2009-04-13 19:14:14
Posted By: Chibi Acelie
The forum will be unavailable Saturday, April 18 from 1:00 PM to 5:00 PM Central Daylight Time (7:00 PM to 11:00 PM GMT), while I upgrade our forum software to the latest version.

The update should not take all 4 hours; I will restore the forum as soon as I'm done.

EDIT: The update is complete and the forum is functional again.

The Reasonable Ones 3
Date: 2009-04-05 14:58:55
Posted By: Trauma Advocate
Magic in Fantasy

Trauma Advocate:
Ah-HEM. For those of you not in the know, recently our RPs have come under attack by modern society. The weapons borne at the forefront of these nameless *coughCorey* hordes? Only the most dangerous of all: Newspapers.

Yes, not only are some of our RPers forgetting that newspapers do not exist in fantasy settings, but they are forgetting an even more obvious truth... They are implying our characters can READ. It's a sham, a complete and utter travesty that we mustn't overlook. Fight this with me as you have before my brothers, and we shall put an end to all the modern impurities plaguing our fantasy worlds, everything from steam power and metal springs to clean water and basic first aid. All will be removed and our fantasies can go back to the way they were meant to be: with a sword for every hip and a pox for every town.

Corey:
So I've been found out, huh. Well, no matter. My plan is still proceeding as... er, planned. Yes.

These tired old fantasy settings are the stuff your grandpa's RPs were about. It's time we moved on, past the swords, sorcery, dysentery and general living-in-filth atmosphere these stories are known for. We now have alternatives: cleaner-running airships, less wasteful dungeon designs, and more books to put in that magic academy so the thirteen-year-old legendary heroes can talk in big words not yet invented. It's a brave new world, and I'm the only one brave enough to shove everyone else headlong into it.

If you don't adapt, you can be certain your Hero McEveryhero will get left in the dust. His pegasus steed is no match for the Smartcar, after all.

Trauma Advocate:

"Adapt," you say? Our RPs are evolving just fine without microwave ovens. Just take a look at... let's see, Corsair's Pride! Here's a new RP. Pirates! Pirates are a new and innovative concept! Isn't that right, Matthias? Yes, yes it is. RPHaven and, dare I say, the internet at large will surely be taken by our will to embrace radical concepts like pirates. And just look how wretched those characters are!

I can go on, OH YES I can go on... Why, I remember back when random battles were the preferred means of plot advancement, and trains and airships were kept exactly where they were meant to be... within the fantasies of our own fantasy characters. For where else could they truly exist? In a fantasy? HAH.

Be warned, my fellow RPers. Change is a scary, scary thing. See how scary it is? See how scary it is when I play this "Scary Kids Scaring Kids" CD over a random collection of video clips I put together from Twilight? It's SCARY!

*Hides in a corner and cuts self*

Corey:
Aha! I knew you'd slip! Corsair's Pride has GUNS, and nothing is more technologically advanced than a device able to propel pieces of metal by igniting a small amount of volatile powder, except perhaps a device capable of firing SEVERAL pieces of metal by igniting a small amount of volatile powder! The march towards bubble buildings and space travel has already begun, and you cannot stop it!

Take, for example, the old RP Tears of Isis. It started off with a godlike entity teaches some noble savages how to use fire, and inspire them to make cave paintings! In what is surely a great leap for RP fantasy tech, at the end the party (or what's left of it) are fighting an artificially-created human in a hole in space which they got to by traveling through a space wormhole! Perfectly logical advancement for an RP that takes place, at most, over the course of a few weeks.

Your refusal to accept this advancing, encroaching technology will be the death of you all, just like it was the death of a handful of people in Millenial Knights! So, when it takes you by force and you become a lumbering, zombie-like mess of loose wires and crusty bolts, I'll be sitting up there with the techno-overmind, sipping my nanite chardonnay and emulating laughter using a speaker built into the back of my throat. And you'll be so jealous... Well, you would be, if your brain wasn't eaten and replaced by tiny robots.

Trauma Advocate:
You've done yourself in this time. Referencing a relic like Tears of Isis? How low must you scrape?

Well two can play at that game! Remember the classic fantasy RP, "Assassinate the Evil Russian Genius, Roccovsky!" No guns there, and technology didn't evolve in the slightest throughout the entire story! The deadliest weapon was a simple Hampleeze sandwich. The RP was a smash hit. I call this debate open and shut and declare myself the winner. Score one for me! Now shoo. Go on, beat it! Don't make me get the broom.

Corey:
Ah-HA! Russia?! Everyone knows Russia is real, unlike elves, vampires, and steam power! The RP you referenced is, therefore, not a work of fantasy, but a work of FACT. It actually happened, much to the evil genius's frustrations!

Somehow, this makes my original point valid, whatever it was.

Trauma Advocate:
Gosh, I'm not sure I remember... something about a smartcar, wasn't i-I MEAN OPEN AND SHUT!

Getting back to MY original point, I will now share some of my own new ideas for spicing up stories without the use of obnoxious and offensive technology. Try giving these delicious little ideas a taste...

Finish every post with someone dying. Everyone knows death is equivalent to realism. Heck, in the old days people would drop dead with no explanation whatsoever, and their neighbors or friends/family would accept it and move on. When an important character dies, everyone else will immediately want to get their post in before someone portrays their own character's response inappropriately. Make certain this happen every post, and you're set for a 20 pager that lasts and lasts and lasts.

Bring back the class system! I was never a fan of the classes myself, but darnit, hard times are upon us and nothing makes you look like you know what you're doing better than a rigid set of rules that assumes everyone already understands what you're talking about.

Goblins. 'Nuff said.

Be sure to upgrade weapons regularly. Evil geniuses are sure to employ the best blacksmiths in the land. It then stand to reason that the closer you get to your final destination, the better the weapons available. Just be careful not to upgrade them too much, because that's SCARY for all the reasons I mentioned before. Don't make me get out the knife again.

Corey:
My people, I will take your dead and turn them into smartcars-- No, wait, I mean I will reanimate them -- with TECHNOLOGY! Of course, that'll also make them evil because it's just how it works, but it provides for great extra heapings of drama on an already-dramatic event! Their weapons will also be upgraded and they'll become servant of the mighty cyber-goblins! And all their classes will then be preceded by the prefix "techno" or "cyber"! It'll be brilliant, a fresh take on the tired formula!

Because that's all my opponent here offers -- tired formulas. I know what you all crave. You crave something more... Deeper, darker, explodier, SHINIER. This courageous new world -- full of schizophrenic, illogical technological leaps -- can provide all that and more. So cast aside your old fantasy tropes -- it's time to evolve and take on the new sci-fi tropes!

Trauma Advocate:
I SAID OPEN AND SHUT!! FANTASY IS DEPRESSING AND ETERNAL!! LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA!!

Corey:
NO, IT'S, UH, WAIT, YES! I AGREE WITH THAT ASSESSMENT. NOW I WILL CELEBRATE OUR BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF THE TENETS OF FANTASY ROLEPLAYING WITH CAKE AND ICE CREAM!!!

January Month of Words
Date: 2008-12-21 19:05:57
Posted By: Trauma Advocate
Hello again, and I hope everyone's holding up during the holiday season!

January's coming up, and that means it's time again for the Month of Words. If you've ever wanted to test your writing mettle, this is for you. Try and write 30,000 words in a month, and win a cover picture! Details can be found on the forum here: http://forum.rphaven.net/viewforum.php?f=82

Site update
Date: 2008-11-15 18:28:07
Posted By: GeminiSaint
I posted the cover art picture for 'Life in Mavrigo', which was the winning entry in the latest Month-of-Words event. You can see it right here as the current featured picture.

I'm also working on bringing the new Hall of Fame up to date. It's about 70% done now, so it should be complete in just a few days.

Forum Downtime
Date: 2008-09-08 13:36:28
Posted By: Chibi Acelie
The forums will be unavailable on Friday, September 12 from 1:00 PM to 4:00 PM U.S. Central Time (7 PM to 10 PM GMT) while I make some changes to the Forum's database configuration.

I will restore the forums as soon as I'm done; the work probably won't take all 3 hours.

Please post any comments on this in the "Forum is going to be rebuilt" topic on the "News and Announcements" broad in the forum.

EDIT: The reconfiguration is now done and the forum is active again.

The Reasonable Ones: The Sequel
Date: 2008-08-29 23:01:52
Posted By: Corey
McCain's Vice President

Corey:
Today (that's August 29th for you hosers who don't use calendars. Damn neanderthals), John McCain showed America, and the world at large, his incredible grasp of the current times by choosing Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska, as his vice-presidential candidate. For those of you who wonder why this news proves so historic, well.... Sarah Palin.... is a WOMAN.

Yes, for the very first time, a woman has entered politics. Well, a woman who's reasonably hot, at any rate. We all know what matters. With this, John McCain has all but secured his victory come the elections later this year. It is also a glorious time for women, and womyn especially. Burned by their dearest hosebeast Hillary Rodham Clinton losing the democratic nomination, they will no doubt flock to McCain's caring, caressing POW-ness, where they will vote for him, and by extension, Miss Palin, and be given the greatest gift of all: the gift of illegalizing abortion.

While there may be some nay-sayers out there, claiming Miss Palin is inexperienced and dogmatic, we cannot forget that the alternative is a mooslim from some backwoods nation (who's ever even heard of "Iowa"?!) who no-doubt wants everyone either dead or praying towards mecca! Palin is truly our only chance at returning to the loving, understanding nation we once were. Those halcyon days of fearing raining nuclear death beneath our school desks are almost at hand once more.

Thank you, John McCain, for hearing the voice of America so clearly, and acting so nobly, during your struggle to claim the presidency. Can I interest you in some pancakes?

Trauma Advocate:
Hold up friend, I believe you are mistaken. While it may *appear* that Senator McCain has chosen a running mate equipped with internal genetalia in an attempt to pick up the overgrown children you refer to as Hillary supporters, I have several points that may call your claim into question.

First, the supporters of Clinton show a clear lean toward candidates born before 1950. According to photographic documentation, Palin has no grey hair and lacks any evidence of having seen a hairstylist whatsoever.

Second, what makes everyone so sure Palin is a woman? Because he has a husband and four kids? Hardly convincing evidence.

Most peculiarly of all, however, is Palin's surprise entrance to the race. No Republican interviewed had even heard of Palin before. Isn't it curious how a woman could overpower almost assured nominees such as the kind-hearted Mitt Romney and fellow frontrunner Tim Pawlenty, whose sparkling list of accomplishments speaks for itself? Where did Palin come from? What intentions does she have? Does McCain realize the danger he has put us all in? And most important of all, are we prepared for a worst-case scenario involving an invasion of pod-like beings disguised as the dying race of "conservative women?"

Corey:
Oh, didn't you hear? Pod people will be outlawed under McCain as unnatural aberrations that need to be dispelled off the face of this Earth with holy fire, just like vampires, elves, and liberals. The truth of the matter is that Miss Palin is pro-life, pro-business, and pro-pro-pro-pro.

And despite whatever qualifications Romney or Pawlenty may claim to purportedly, supposedly, maybe-kinda-sorta have, it simply doesn't stack up to Palin's Girl Power. Whoever heard of a doddering old fool being capable of swaying voters? Not McCain, that's pancakes! Er, who! While they may have political experience and solid recognition amongst the republican base, what they don't have is two X chromosomes. They have a piddly one each, which might be handy if a president could have TWO vice presidents, but alas, that is not the case.

Back to the issues. As I mentioned before, Miss Palin is pro-life, which means with her in charge after McCain's demise, we can finally see an end to abortion and all its moral quandaries. Palin will decide for us, our sincere, motherly guiding light. In fact, we can say farewell to that messy business of courtship altogether as to ensure no unwanted pregnancies, President Palin will decree all marriages arranged at least 20 years in advance, and libido-suppression drugs for all men, who, as we know, are sex-crazed child molesters at heart. But that's okay, because Palin forgives you. Er, this is hypothetically speaking of course. I mean, who honestly expects McCain to kick the bucket during his presidential term? Not Sarah Palin, that's for certain!

In short, a new age of enlightenment is upon us. Well, if the Hadron Collider doesn't kill us first.

Trauma Advocate:
"Pro-life," "pro-life" you say! Honestly, have you ever stopped to consider whether this is even a good thing? More life means more people. More people means more women. More women means more arguing, and more arguing means more killing. You follow that? Life=death. And that's if we're lucky. I have written testimony that Sarah Palin advocates the use of symbiotic parasites in children born from and after 2009. As of now, all we can do is hope that my friend "Dr. Needle" Smitty down on South Street has a good sense of humor and only makes his screaming declarations regarding our government as a joke, but that seems like quite a stretch.

Bottom line: Never trust someone offering inexpensive pancakes. Just look at Denny's.

Corey:
Hey, don't associate anti-death with sweet, young, innocent, naive Sarah Palin! She's very much pro-death as well. It is her firm belief that life ends at birth, and after that you're on your own, kiddo. No more freebies for you! You want the bottle, Baby Joe? Well, WORK FOR IT.

Indeed, such mommying handouts are the bread and butter of those nasty men, who wouldn't know real pain and suffering if they gave birth to it. Because they can't! For them, it's all, "Gimme a beer: or "I wanna watch NASCAR" or "Why do you keep eyeing the pool boy?". It's really all about them, and about how their lives can be made more comfortable at the expense of women. But no more, I say! President Palin is here to put an end to those shenanigans! No longer will men be the kings of their castles! It will be woman who is king! ROAR!

With Palin as president, America will be everything everyone who ever mattered ever hoped for, and by that I mean what women ever hoped for. A beautiful state of bliss, where we exchange knitting tips, leave the seat down, and drive as erratically as we want! That'll show those uppity democrats for nominating a man when they could have had an all-american she-beast!

Trauma Advocate:
Pro-death, anti-death, what's the difference? We can't be expected to believe McCain would willingly support a female vice president, now can we? Of course not. Women do not serve in the military, nor political office, OfficeMax, or The Office, and before anyone can object, Jenna Fischer does not count as an actress.

Face the facts, there's an advent of demons on the way with the one called Sarah Parin at the helm. Facts are facts, my friend, especially when I tell you they're true.

Corey:
An insubstantial claim. Women are, in fact, in the military, but it's part of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. Or do you believe that Our femtopia is not ideal? We can amend that.

All you need to do is join Us. Become one with the Womyn collective. We are not all bad; We bake cookies, We talking about our feelings, and We have delectable fashion sense. Please take Us up on Our offer, as to come to Us willingly will ensure you do not suffer like the others will. All will be well, as long as you cede to Our wills. We are one, yet We are many. Do not resist, or you will find yourself relegated to some lowly position such as Womyn's Psychologist. Join now, and We will consider you for the exciting career of Sexual Tool. Such is the will of Palin.

Trauma Advocate:
Good readers, I come to you now not as a debatist, or a troublemaker, nor even the elitist asshole misogynist you know and love. I come to you with a warning, for I have failed. The plague of Sarah Palin (or Parin, or possibly Arucard) has spread quicker than I could have foreseen and now threatens our very way of life. I ask you now, do not fight her for me, or yourselves, or your community, or even Barack Obama's seat on the Illinois/Iowa floor of the Senate. Fight her because she represents everything that raises bile up from the depths of your digestive tract. Americans do not cooperate. We do not share, and we most certainly do not submit, least of all to someone dressed as a woman.

So resist, all you who refuse to be called sheep! Resist the femtopia! Resist the mad scheme of John McCain and Sarah Palin!

Resist Usss and your ssuffering will be immensssse!"

The Reasonable Ones
Date: 2008-08-16 00:47:38
Posted By: Trauma Advocate
The Large Hadron Collider

Trauma Advocate:
On October 21st, scarcely over two months from now, the world's largest supercollider to date, the Large Hadron Collider is set to instigate its first particle collision. Achieving speeds previously unheard of, the Large Hadron Collider has the capability to advance science as we know it light years into the future. The data gathered from its first experiment alone will simultaneously knock Newton on his skeletal behind and reinvent the formula for gravity.

Within a few years, naturally, the discovery of fusion is inevitable, and after that we can all sit back and bask in the glory of free, clean, reusable energy as our scientists on the front lines of awesome continue to pursue the sublime.

Join me, won't you, in celebrating mankind's greatest achievement of all time: the capacity to smash even the tiniest of matter together.

Corey:
Now hold the phone a minute there, bucko, while I mix my metaphors. I have heard that that Badron Coldkiller thinger's gonna wipe out the universe as we know it. In which case, me and all the other ubergeniuses wish to take some extremely necessary, awesome precautions.

Yes, I speak of our plan to leave this universe.

Those bigwigs scienticians need to postpone Hadroning their Colliders until I am able to procure a space ship capable of reaching another universe within 4 or 5 hours. My legs get cramped if I sit too long. It also needs to be big enough for me, my playstations, and five of my coolest friends whom I can sell salvation tickets to, for a mere 400 or 500 dollars apiece.

Everyone should be as wise as me and flee the universe while they still can, but alas they will have to credit me for thinking of this solution by making me their undisputed king.

Long story short, if we're all going to unravel the secrets of the universe by blowing it to hell and back, I want something out of the deal.

Trauma Advocate:
"Flee the universe?" Please. We all know there's only two universes, and Russia bought the other one during the Cold War.

As you may have noticed, there are some people out there who might try to shout some cute little lines to scare us, like "death and destruction at hand" or "These are the end days" or "Hawking's theories indicate micro black holes could form that may destroy life as we know it," but let's be reasonable...

If it's so dangerous, how come the smartest people in Switzerland think it's a good idea? If there's such a thing as end days, why didn't God warn us about it? And if Stephen Hawking's so smart, how come he can't change his own batteries?

I ask you sensible people, what would you rather wake up to? A Hummer in every driveway, or finding out your legs are in another dimension in space? I think the answer is clear.

Corey:
Those nefarious Swedes have all been paid off by Big Oil, naturally! Everyone knows Big Oil wants to destroy the universe with their evil oily superpowers. They're just like Big Energy, Big Food Trade, Big Vegan, Big Bird, and the nefarious Big Oil 2! How can we possibly trust those whose pockets run so deep?

Trust me! My pockets are so shallow, they turn down supermodels because of sharp knees. But people can change that, AND prevent the Hardon Collider from spooging all over the fabric of time and space with only a few easy payments directly to my pitiful savings account.

How will this money go to use? Besides the small percentage I'll be taking out of all donations to set me up for life, the money goes towards hiring Science's worst enemies.... American Young Earth Creationists who also happen to be old, decrepit US Senators. I will tie them to the Hadron Collider, thus repelling any and all forms of rational thought, thus keeping scientists, and therefore, science, away! With them out of the way, nothing will stop me from acquiring a nuclear warhead which is undoubtedly within the same facility, and destroying the Collider. Why, this is so fail-proof, humanity's only thanks which would suffice would to be to crown me King of Earth for life!

Besides, this is for the good of the universe or something, right? Donate now or die!

Trauma Advocate:

I find it highly unlikely the Swedes of Switzerland could be paid off so easy. Big Oil 2 may have approximately 4.67 gigajillion dollars in liquid assets (according to their July accounting records), but as we all know, the Swedes haven't yet developed the means to trade paper currency, relying on their tried-and-true lingonberry-based barter system.

But this is all distracting us from the important issues at hand, my friends. As you can see, my clever associate here is far more obsessed with your bank numbers than the TRUTH. And the TRUTH is that scientifically speaking, come October 21st, the Large Hadron Collider is going to knock his punk ass out of the universe *for* him.

Corey:

Punk ass? So uncouth is the mouth of utopian science! My ass is at LEAST classic rock 'n' roll. You need money to solve the world's problems. Without money, how am I supposed to hire people to solve these pressing issues in my name? The way you speak, the Hardhat Provider was financed by bake sales and puppy kisses!

Let me tell you folks right now, you let that Bonbon Coincider gadget work its evil, world-devouring mojo, and it will undo the universe! Up will be down, cats will be dogs, dogs will be cats, cats will be on dogs, dogs will be dogs, dogs will be birds, black will be upside down, and you'll be tempted to vote for the reform party.

Sure, that machine MIGHT give us eternal youth, peace on earth, unicorns, perfect spring weather year-round, and a gazillion dollars each, but when there's a risk of voting reform party, you simply cannot take the chance.

PS: Gimme money. BOOGEY BOOGEY BOO.

Trauma Advocate:

It was *one* time I voted reform, and I already told you, a baggie of frisco speedballs was involved. Let it go, man.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's the dirty hippies trying to shut down scientific progress, and if there's two one things I can't stand, it's that and the rightist population who find a way to spike their bitter vodka into the fruit punch of society and drain it of all its sweet, sugary... erm, money.

If the sound of money wasn't filling my rival's ears, surely he would have heard me explain that in just a few short months, financial obligations would become a thing of the past. So I call to your assistance, faithful readers: Stop selling your children's bicycles and video games and giving it to this sad man. Perhaps it will hasten his surrender.

Corey:
The one who needs to stop is you, dear friend. You need to stop playing the good people of the world like a fiddle. You need to stop and think of the consequences of mad science. You need to stop switching to Geico, seriously, you can only save so much on car insurance. GOD.

This blind faith in a superweapon making everything better was what inspired America to side with Hitler, then turn around and stab him in the back once they had the bomb, and then use that bomb to destroy all of Denmark. Is that it? Are you Hitler now? Do you want to be Hitler 2.0?

If you are, then I'm GLAD the Hadadadadadron Machine will blast us all to oblivion. I don't want to live in a world with Hitler 2.0!

Trauma Advocate:

Listen up, churchy, if you feel science is going to doom all of mankind, then you can go be fruitful and multiply with yourself.

I'll have you know that after America dropped the A-bomb on Berlin, we not only got rid of Hitler, but we travelled back in time to eliminate him, preventing World War 2 from ever happening. Naturally, we had to replace him with a stand-in to ensure the fabric of space wasn't destroyed, but the principle still stands, that principle being, shut the heck up, momma's boy.

Corey:
It's you who needs to shut up! I'll have you know, the Reverse Jews are heading back in time to save Hitler and un-bomb Yugoslavia, thus sending the future into a bizarre unknown, possibly without a Hamburger Poseider! Your junk science can't save you now! This world will burn! BURN! And you along with it! You will be the first victim! NO ONE WILL ESCAPE.

Trauma Advocate:
SLIMEBALL!

Corey:
HEATHEN!

New Site!!
Date: 2008-08-07 07:45:02
Posted By: Trauma Advocate
It's finally happened everyone, we've got a brand new site. I personally have a lot of catching up to do, so you can expect some RP posts from me in the next few days.

The forums, which were gathering quite a bit of dust, have had an archive added, so that we can maintain a clean system without having to prune old stuff. Our library has had somewhat of an overhaul as well, and hopefully we'll be able to make some system changes there before long to get it really looking presentable.

As for the site itself, stay tuned. We've got plans for the front page, and you can expect some very interesting articles to begin cropping up before long. Stick around and you'll see what I'm talking about.

So, until then, peace out. I gotta get back to my other job. >_>

Now with 0% trans fat!
Date: 2008-02-25 20:00:30
Posted By: Trauma Advocate
We've gone far too long without an update, so let's see if we can sum it all up quick. While we continue the perpetual wait for some fresh blood to get in on the RPing action, we 've started up some fresh ideas:

RPHaven has now introduced an RP Lite Board. Herein, you can find stress-free roleplaying, with no backstage topics, reference libraries, or 4 page posts. We've already gotten started with a friendly pok�mon RP! If you've always wanted to create your dream team but found yourself frustrated by how much your favorite pokes suck in the game, this RP may be your lucky break!

*Protip: Butterfree still sucks, even in written form.

In other news, Deia is progressing nicely, with multiple concurrent RPs. They've yet to cross paths in any way, but Leryl has introduced Goliath, the first of the colossi. For once, I think I'd want a little magic on my side against this one...

Some other quick items: Censor's fixed, we have our own emoticons, custom ranks are to be brought back, and oh yeah, plans are now being discussed to have medals awarded for various accomplishments in writing!

Come to think of it, we actually have a lot going on now. Someone probably ought to smack me for not updating the site sooner.

phpBB3 Released!
Date: 2008-01-06 15:35:09
Posted By: MythGuy
We've been waiting a long time guys! Now it's finally out, phpBB3! We've upgraded to it just a few DAYS ago. We've made the link on the NavBar go to it but at the moment the old phpBB2 forum is still open. Come check it out now!

We've implemented the anticipated World Board by creating the World of Deia. Corey's gotten that going already with the first RP in Deia with "Deia Fable: Leryl". Vash has kindly started keeping a map in this thread.

We're also allowing civil conversations about topics that were, before now, forbidden (such as politics, religion, and other such things) in this sub-forum.

Hope you enjoy the new forum!

EDIT: As CtrlAltDestroy has gotten around to linking the subdomain 'forum' to the phpBB3 board I have fixed the link to the phpBB2 Board. It can now be located at http://www.rphaven.org/forum/. Sorry for any inconvenience.
~MythGuy

Welcome to RP Haven 2.0!
Date: 2007-09-08 12:00:00
Posted By: Chibi Acelie
As you can see, our new site has gone live. Much of it is still under construction though; many of the pages from the old site will stay here until more sections are completed. The Hall of Fame and RP Archive data also has not been completely transfered, and you'll find links to the old HOF and Archive until the transfer is complete.

We welcome your comments, criticisms, and suggestions for the new site! You may post these in an appropriate topic in the forums.

[FEATURED ART]

LARGE IMAGE

The first page of Straggler Straddler 's new parody comic, "Farce of the Fated "

[FEATURED POST]

STOP WITH THE JAPANESE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

While reading "The Tournament of Legends " Dr. Gate faces his denial of his inner otaku.